You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
