I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
try to milk me bitch
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