I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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