apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
