my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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