I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my liver is dry heaving
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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