The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
