i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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