Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
