My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
