Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
