careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize