you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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