Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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