She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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