my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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