This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
