I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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