you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
