Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
