dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
