I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
