I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
