Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
