I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
should my penis look like a turkey
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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