I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
