yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
