My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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