there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
