if i can run in heels then i can drive
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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