I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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