If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
