she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drake has all the answers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
