Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
