so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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