I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
