ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
