She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
