I'm gonna have a badass scar
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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