Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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