Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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