You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
