Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
