she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
