a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The air was thick with penises
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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