I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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