We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize