What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my shit smells like andre
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize