I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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