All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
