You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
