I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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