HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
