If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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