insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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