He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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