Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
