the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
