so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nicole vs. Life
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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