It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
