They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
