The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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