I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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