It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
