Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
