She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
