Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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