i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
